


Say You Will

by SammySammyDean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dogs, Dresses, Eating Disorders, Emotional Baggage, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, JUST, M/M, Picnics, Protective Sam Winchester, Relapsing, SO MUCH FLUFF, Schmoop, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Supportive Sam, Weddings, cross dressing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-29 02:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6355525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammySammyDean/pseuds/SammySammyDean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel doesn't know what brought on this obsession, but he /does know Sam is the only good thing to come from it. He also know that after everything they've gone through together, he sure as hell isn't going to let the man slip through his fingers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StarlightDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightDragon/gifts), [KaitlynSpeight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaitlynSpeight/gifts).



****

Gabriel isn’t sick.

 

Really, he isn’t. He’s fine, and he sure as hell doesn’t need help.

 

He can’t remember when all this started, when he noticed he was starting to gain weight. When he started seeing just _how_ many calories were in the candy bars and cake he consumed on a daily basis.

 

It just sort of… Happened one day. He started hating how he looked, started gagging every time he so much as smelled chocolate.

 

Sugar, calories, fat, sodium, cholesterol. Stats, diseases, numbers, weights.

 

How could he possibly have been okay living like that his whole life? So he made a change, who wouldn’t?

 

Eating nothing but sweets could kill him, why would he let that happen when it would take such a simple change to fix the problem?

 

So he cut out all the sweet.

 

Fruits, vegetables, lean meats.

 

But those had fats too, sugars, too much, it was all too much. He couldn’t do it.

 

He isn’t sick.

 

There is a part of him that knows what he’s doing is wrong, but how can he eat when he looks like he does? Fat fat _fat._

 

Especially when his consoler, and the only person he talks to, looks like a fucking _God_. Now how is that fair?

 

His friends had stopped talking to him, checked him into an institution for insane people and abandon him. He _isn’t_ sick! He isn’t _crazy!!_

They didn’t even visit him.

 

And how is he supposed to talk to crazy people? He can’t make friends here.

 

He doesn’t _want_ to make friends here, making friends meant fitting in. Fitting in meant being like the other people. Being like them meant he was sick. _And he fucking isn’t_.

 

So he just talks to Sam, Sam is safe, Sam is sane and nice and easy to talk to. He doesn’t make Gabriel feel like he’s wrong, like he’s some sort of freak.

 

Sam talks to him like people _used_ to talk to him, he doesn’t pity him, or treat him differently. He doesn’t make him talk about food or eating or his weight.

 

He lets Gabriel lead the conversation, they could talk about whatever he wants, so he can stick to safe topics. Animals, sports, gardening, things that didn’t involve grams of fat and percent daily values.

 

So Gabriel isn’t sure how it works that the conversation turns to food.

 

Sam gets him to talk about his fears, about his obsession – no not obsession, interest – in what food would do to him. Why he couldn’t eat, why he couldn’t stand to be this _fat_.

 

And even then, Sam was a safe place. He doesn’t pester Gabriel about it, never forces him to eat, but if there were crackers on his desk every time he saw him, no one would mention it.

 

And if Gabriel slowly started taking those crackers, nibbling at them shyly while he talked to Sam about the horrible smell of fried food from the cafeteria, it was ignored.

 

And if those crackers slowly started turning into real food, small meals and salads Gabriel could pick at during their sessions, it wasn’t a big deal.

 

Gabriel had expected his stay at Broadview Rehabilitation Institute to only last a handful of days, enough time for these prison wardens they called orderlies to see he was _fine_ , and let him move on with his life.

 

But over a year later when he’s saying goodbye to Sam, he isn’t sure he wants to leave anymore. He liked Sam, Sam was safe.

 

Not to mention he had no one outside here. One person was better than nothing.

 

He had told Sam everything about himself, how could he leave and never see him again?

 

He couldn’t.

 

“Do… You think I could see you after I leave?” Gabriel asked tentatively, halfway into their last session, nervously nibbling at a piece of celery.

 

“Professionally, or as a friend?” Sam asked, cocking his head to the side and nibbling at a piece of cheese. He found early on there was absolutely no chance Gabriel would eat if he didn’t as well, so it became their ritual, every Thursday and Friday from five to six thirty in the evening was Gabriel and snack time.

 

Gabriel shuffled his feet, setting down his celery. Sam didn’t say it as if he would mind either way, but friends? With Sam? He wanted that, badly. But he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get out the words to say so.

 

He took a deep breath, picking at his nails, “I… do you consider me a friend?” Sam smiled, the real smile that Gabriel couldn’t get enough of, where his eyes crinkled and his tongue peeked out from between his teeth.

 

“Of course I do, Gabriel, you don’t give yourself enough credit. I challenge anyone to spend as much time as I have with you and not think of you as one of their best friends.”

 

Gabriel shrugs, looking away, “you’re payed to say stuff like that. Actually you’re payed to talk to me at all…”

 

Sam’s smile fades, and he stands up, walking around the desk and kneeling in front of Gabriel. “Hey, give me a little credit here. I enjoy talking to you, you’re sweet and funny and, frankly, adorable. How about we go to the park this Saturday, you can meet Sadie, I know you’ve said you’d love to play fetch with her.”

 

Gabriel blinks slowly, mouth falling open, “you… I get to meet Sadie?” His eyes lit up and he started bouncing in his seat excitedly, “puppy!” He cheered, and Sam laughed, wrinkling his nose playfully as he stands up.

 

“You only like me for my dog.” He offers Gabriel a hand, pulling him to his feet and shaking his hand. “Now go on, get out of here, I’m sure you’re dying to go home.”

 

Truth was, he wasn’t, he could happily spend the rest of his life in Sam’s office, talking about dogs and safe foods, but he couldn’t say that.

 

“What time Saturday?” He says instead, smiling brightly up at the giant man.

 

“Noon, I’ll meet you at the east end of Floral.” Gabriel nods, waving at Sam before turning and walking out the door. Saturday was two days away. He could do this.

 

They held a little ceremony for him that afternoon, Sam had stood in the back of the crowd, beaming at him, but he had vanished before Gabriel got the chance to see him again. And then he was allowed to leave.

 

He unlocked his front door, and for the first time in over a year, curled up on his couch, alone.

 

He cuddled his stuffed platypus and thought about Saturday. What should he wear? What would _Sam_ be wearing? Would Sadie like him? Would Sam still talk to him if she didn’t?

 

He should get a phone! So Sam can get ahold of him after this, otherwise how would they make plans? Was he being too clingy?

 

He decides to get one anyway, just in case. Then curl up in bed and wait for Saturday.

 

He didn’t know what to do with all this free time. He was used to group and counseling and checkups and yard time.

 

He knew before he got shipped off he used to travel a lot, digging into Dad’s book money and going on spontaneous vacations.

 

That didn’t sound fun anymore. Not without someone to go with.

 

So he just stayed in bed, falling back into his pattern of forgetting to eat, and dozing in and out of sleep, until it was time to get ready to meet Sam.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Saturday rolls around, Gabriel can’t get out of the house fast enough.

 

He shows up at their meeting spot by eleven thirty, finding a bench to sit on and wait for Sam.

 

And by twelve thirty, he’s about ready to cry.

 

Of _course_ Sam stood him up, of _course_ he was just being nice. Sam probably thought he was crazy too, sick.

 

Sam was just the best at hiding it. He was stupid to believe there could ever be anything else between them.

 

He had told Sam about his fear of eating, of fat, ow he couldn’t stand to look in the mirror and see the _creature_ he had become.

 

Why on earth would anyone _want_ to see him after that, especially built-like-a-Greek-God Sam Winchester?

 

At one o’clock, he finally draged himself off the bench. Sam wasn’t going to show, there was no use looking like a fool any longer.

 

He drags his feet, slowly trailing back towards his home. Preferably to curl up and die, he officially had _no one._

 

“Gabriel! Oh thank god you’re still here! I’m so so sorry!!” A voice calls from behind him, and in the next moment there’s a huge hand on his shoulder.

 

Gabriel turns to find Sam, with a tearstained face and red nose, panting heavily behind him.

 

“Are- what’s wrong?” Gabriel asked, panicking. He doesn’t know how to comfort someone, why was Sam crying, what was…

 

“Sadie is a dope and fell down the stairs this morning. I had to take her to the vet, so I spent most of the morning freaking out.

 

“She’s fine, just a broken leg, which they set and everything. She can’t play fetch right now though, so I was thinking, if you still wanted to meet her, you could come to my place?

 

“She’s still sleeping off the medication but I have movies and an X-Box and we already know you like my food and… yeah.”

 

Gabriel pulled Sam into a hug, before he could think better of it, smiling when Sam rested his cheek on the top of his head.

 

Gabriel nuzzled against the broad chest he had spent the last year staring at, sighing happily, “I’m sorry about Sadie, I’m glad she’s okay.”

 

Sam chuckled, squeezing Gabriel tighter for a moment before drawing away, “thank you, really, it means a lot.”

 

Gabriel blushed, realizing he hadn’t actually answered Sam, “and yeah, I’d love to meet her still. That is, of you don’t mind.”

 

Sam chuckled, holding out his arm, which Gabriel shyly latched onto. “If I minded I wouldn’t have offered, come on it’s just a couple blocks away.”

 

Gabriel still had a headache from holding back tears, and he was light headed from forgetting to eat the last couple days, but he couldn’t fight off the smile that split his cheeks.

 

Sam hadn’t blown him off. Sam liked him enough to invite him into his _home_.

 

Sam glanced down at him, raising an eyebrow, and he looked away blushing. “Did you think I wasn’t gonna show?”

 

Gabriel nodded shyly and Sam sighed, “I’m so sorry, I know that must have really… Sucked.” Gabriel shrugged, and Sam pulled him into a one armed hug.

 

“No, don’t play it down. I thought I taught you better than that.” Sam smiled, he liked being able to touch Gabriel without worrying about repercussions.

 

 Not that it was technically against code to touch Gabriel to offer comfort, but there was always the fear something would get misinterpreted, lawyers would get involved, he’d loose his license. No, it’s always better to be careful.

 

“It’s just, I don’t… There’s no one out here. I don’t have any friends left and I… was scared you didn’t like me and you were just being nice and…” He trailed off, blinking back the tears that were suddenly clouding his vision again.

 

“Hey, I’m right here. We’re friends, and I’m not going anywhere, and I’m sure you’ll have plenty of friends again in no time,” Sam assured, wrapping an arm around Gabe’s shoulder.

 

Gabriel nods slowly, leaning against Sam’s side - only slightly embarrassed he only came up to the giants arm pit – and wrapped an arm around his waist.

 

“This is me,” Sam guided them towards the door of a large apartment complex, leading the way down a short hall and up some stairs before stopping in front of his door.

 

“I see how Sadie fell, those things are awful,” Gabriel grumbles, following Sam into the small front room.

 

“Yeah, sadly they don’t pay me nearly as much as you seemed to think they do,” Sam rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot.

 

“I have beer, and snacks in the fridge if you want, just… Make yourself at home.” Gabriel chuckled, Sam’s awkwardness was strangely calming.

 

“It’s a nice place, Sammich, take a breath.”

 

Sam glared at him, but followed the advice, “I’m the therapist here, Gabe,” he teased, walking to the kitchen and snagging a beer. “Want one?” Gabriel nodded, accepting the drink as it was handed to him.

 

He read the label, as always… _carbs, calories_ …

 

He closes his eyes, this is Sam, Sam won’t judge him.

 

He opens the drink, glancing at the man, who was already drinking his, before taking a swig.

 

Sam doesn’t say a word, but a small smile does dust over his features. “Movie or X-Box?” Comes the question after they’d both downed their first drink and opened a second.

 

“’S up to you, I’m here for the free booze.” Gabe quipped, chugging his second beer to make his point and snagging another.

 

“Hey it’s not free, you have to deal with my shitty company as retribution,” Sam chuckled, popping in a DVD and tossing himself to the couch, propping his feet on the coffee table.

 

“I think I’ll live,” Sam raises an eyebrow, sipping his beer.

 

“I’d slow down there, champ, you haven’t had anything to drink for a year, and this stuff is harder than you’d think.”

 

Gabriel flopped down next to Sam, “what you not gonna be able to control yourself around me or something?”

 

“I mean I’m not sure I’d want to have to,” Sam quipped and Gabriel froze, a slow panic curling around his gut.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He had to force his voice to sound normal, Sam was just joking, had to be.

 

Sam shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. “I think I know you better than anyone, and I’m not running away, so I don’t know why you’re giving me that look. But you’re hot, I wouldn’t complain if you jumped me.”

 

That was… Nothing like the comments Gabriel was used to Sam making, but… he wasn’t complaining. Couldn’t complain, he was already a little in love with this man… just a little, after everything he had done for him while he was at Broadview.

 

“Sam Winchester are you propositioning me?”

 

“What if I am?” Sam raises a challenging eyebrows.

 

Gabriel downed the rest of his bottle before answering, “then I’m a little disappointed. I expected you to be a little less bark and a little more bite, if ya catch my drift.”

 

Sam sat forward, dropping his feet to the floor and setting his beer on the table, all without looking at his guest.

 

Gabriel felt a brief moment of fear, had he said something wrong? Why was Sam…

  
  
But then he’s sitting back again – and dragging Gabe in by the belt loops.

 

Gabriel flails for a minute, trying to catch himself before he falls on top of Sam. He’d crush the poor guy, no matter how built he is, there’s only so much you can take…

 

He manages to catch himself about an inch short of impact, a hand on either side of the Sam’s head.

 

He feels sick, Sam’s too close, can see him, see everything, all of it.

 

“You’re beautiful, Sam whispered, his breath ghosting over Gabriel’s lips.

He was good at this, he knew Gabriel, knew how to read him, who better to support him than a boyfriend? And what better candidate than Sam himself? He was no longer his counselor, there was no conflict of interest, no laws in the way, not anymore.

 

“Kiss me,” Gabriel found himself whispering back, without conscious thought or preamble, and Sam was all too happy to oblige.

 

There were no sparks when their lips met, no fireworks or a burning hunger. What there was, though, was an overwhelming sense of familiarity, of safety and comfort… of _home._

 

It couldn’t last though, and Gabriel found himself scrambling away, falling to the floor, before the feeling could sink in.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, sitting forward and reaching out to gently pet Gabriel’s hair.

 

“You’re… I’m a freak, you don’t want me. We… friends, we have to be friends, I can’t lose you.” Gabriel stuttered, scuttling across the floor to back himself against the far wall.

 

Sam lowered himself onto the floor, holding out his hand.

 

“Gabriel, you’ve told me everything yo-“

 

“Did I tell you I’m-?!... That I’m…” Gabriel trailed off, clenching his eyes closed.

 

“Same.” Gabriel’s eyes flew open, his body visibly sagging, _perfect._

 

“No you don’t understand… Sam…”

 

“Then tell me,” Sam waved his hand where it was still outstretched, gesturing Gabriel forward.

 

Gabriel hesitantly comes, taking Sam’s hand and allowing himself to be pulled into Sam’s chest, settling on his lap. 

“If we… That leads to… and you can’t, you can’t see me like… I’m too, I can’t…”

 

It took a moment for Sam to follow the stilted thought process, but, “if we kiss, it’ll lead to more, and you aren’t ready to let me see…” Gabriel nods, hiding his face.

 

“Gabe, look at me,” it took some coaxing, but he slowly peeks up through wet lashes. “It doesn’t have to lead anywhere, hell, ever. That’s okay with me, I promise.”

 

Gabriel blushes, slowly, hesitantly, leaning up to press their lips back together. Sam sighs happily, pulling the smaller man closer to him, and this time, Gabriel lets him.

 

~

 

“You know,” Gabriel hums, laying on the couch with his head in Sam’s lap, a couple dozen beers – and kisses – later. “I always pictured there being a dress at my wedding.”

 

“Not a girl, just a dress?” Sam chuckles, running his fingers through Gabe’s long hair. “Maybe you should wear one then.”

 

Gabriel glances up at him, smirking, “maybe I will,” he paused, considering it. He… actually really liked the thought. Walking down the aisle in a flowing white gown, with… Sam?.. waiting for him at the altar.

 

Sam’s eyes widen, Gabriel in a dress… “Please,” his voice stuck in his throat, like his body was trying to stop him from saying what he so desperately wanted to. “When we get married, you have to wear a dress.”

 

Gabriel nods in agreement, giggling.

 

There’s something there that he should be reacting to, but he just can’t seem to figure out what it is.

 

He sighs, closing his eyes. Well, for now he’ll let the fingers in his hair slowly coax him to sleep, he can worry about freaking out later.


	3. Chapter 3

Apparently later meant when he woke up the next morning.

 

He was barely even conscious before the collective nausea from the hangover and Sam’s drunken statement had him grabbing the closest trashcan and hurling.

 

“When _we get married.”_

 

Not ‘if’.

 

‘ _When.’_

They weren’t even together, were they?

 

Less than a week ago, Sam had been his consoler, could they really jump from that to committed relationship like this?

 

Could he even _be_ in a committed relationship? He had more baggage than anyone should have to deal with. And relationship meant sex, no matter what Sam said.

 

He looked over at the sleeping mass next to him, and retched into the waste basket.

 

“I told you to take it easy,” Sam mumbled, voice rough with sleep, “come here.”

 

It took some prying, but he managed to make Gabriel drop the bucket, and hauled him into his lap, warm hand stroking his back.

 

Gabriel grunted, curling in on himself.

 

Mistake. This was all a mistake. Just a misunderstanding, a drunken slip up. If he pretended it didn’t happen maybe he could keep Sam. Maybe.

 

“Gabriel, stop it. What are you thinking?”

 

Oh god, ohnoohnoohno.

 

“Not thinkin’ anything Sammy, think you can grab me some water?”

 

Sam sighed, “yeah, but don’t think you’re getting out of this conversation.”

 

A minute later he was being lifted and set on the couch, then Sam was walking away.

 

Gabriel buried his head in his knees, mistake, he could say it was a mistake, he was drunk, Sam would understand… Right?

 

A rhythmic thumping had him looking up curiously, and momentarily forgetting his problems.

 

“Hi, puppy, come here Sadie,” he called happily, watching the mutt hobble in, her cast thumping against the hardwood floor.

 

She sat on the floor, resting her head on Gabe’s lap as he pet her happily.

 

“You’re a gorgeous girl, aren’t you, I’ve been dying to meet you. Such a good girl,” he babbled, scratching her ears and kissing her nose.

 

He’d wanted a dog for as long as he could remember, but dad had never allowed it, and when he moved out….

 

No, he wasn’t good enough for a dog, he couldn’t put an innocent puppy through that.

 

“She likes you,” Sam chuckled from next to him, and when had he walked back in the room?

 

“I… Yeah, I guess she does,” he whispered, taking the water bottle that was handed to him.

 

“She’s not the only one, you know,” Sam chuckled awkwardly, sitting next to Gabriel and putting an arm around his shoulders.

 

Gabriel immediately shifted away, he had to tell him it was a mistake, he had to, he couldn’t let things go on like this, it wasn’t fair to either of them.

 

“I… Sam I was drunk, I shouldn’t have-“

 

“Gabriel,” Sam cut him off, voice stern, but not angry. That was a good sign at least.

 

“You know damn well I know that’s not true. If you genuinely don’t want to be with me, that’s fine, I’m more than happy being your friend, but if you’re scared… I want you to think for a minute, what are you afraid _of_?”

 

Gabriel snapped his jaw shut, doing as Sam said. Why _was_ he scared? He sipped at his water, staring at the dog in front of him.

 

“I guess… I guess I’m afraid…” He pauses, taking a deep breath and thinking about what he wanted to say.

 

“I’m afraid that if we’re… together, you’re more likely to… There’s more commitment, and more expectations. I’ll let you down, I’m awful at relationships, and… one too many times, even you’ll be walking away and… I need you in my life.”

 

Sam cocked his head to the side, a clear sign he was thinking, and took Gabriel’s hand in his.

 

“What expectations are you talking about?” He asked finally, meeting Gabriel’s eyes with a soft smile.

 

“Just… The whole being there and going out together and… and the sex… I can’t…” He turned his head away, but left his hand tightly clasped in Sam’s. He wanted more than anything for Sam to convince him he could do this, but he knew he couldn’t.

 

“You know, friends are there for each other, too. And you’ve already proven you’ll be there for me, when I met you yesterday, you were getting close to a full blown break down – don’t deny it, I know you – but you put that on a back burner when you saw I was upset.

 

“We don’t have to go out, honestly I much prefer drinking a beer on my couch and watching shitty movies to actually doing stuff, going out means putting on pants.” Gabriel snorted, and Sam winked, pausing his speech to press a kiss to his nose.

 

“As for sex, I already told you that doesn’t matter. For the record, I think every part of you is absolutely beautiful, but if you aren’t comfortable, it’s no big deal,” he shrugged.

 

“It’s whatever you’re comfortable with, Gabriel, I’ll be happy if the only thing I get out of this is getting to call you mine.”

 

Gabriel blushed, peeking up at Sam through his hair, “and what about when you decide you want sex, or even just to be with someone normal?”

 

Sam raised an eyebrow, “normal’s over rated. Gabe, I know you, I know what I’m getting into. It’s not like we just met, I’ve known you for a year, and I spent that year getting to know you better than _you_ know you, I’m not going into this blind.

 

“As for sex, I’ve got a hand, toys exist, or if it’s just you not wanting me to see you naked you don’t necessarily have to take off your clothes.”

 

Gabriel pursed his lips, shaking his head, “it can’t be this easy… It can’t.”

 

Sam hooked a finger under his chin, gently coaxing him to meet his eyes, “and why not? I care about you, I know you care about me, so tell me why it can’t be this easy.”

 

Gabriel blushed, freezing in place as those hazel eyes seemed to look right through him.

 

“I… I don’t know,” he whispered finally, “I’m… I’m broken and you… deserve better…”

 

Sam smiled sadly, pulling him into his lap and cupping his cheeks between his – fucking massive – palms. “I’m a big boy, Gabriel, don’t you think I can chose what I want for myself?”

 

Gabriel nodded slowly, eyes not leaving Sam’s, “but why would you want _me?”_

“Because, no matter what you think Gabriel, you aren’t broken. You’re hurt, maybe a little bent, dinged up a bit, but far from broken.

 

“You’re beautiful, funny, kind, and I’ve been falling for you since you plunked yourself in my office and spent the hour and a half ranting about how useless therapists are.”

 

Gabriel smiled, blushing at the memory, “yeah I… Yeah okay… I don’t believe you but…” He flicked his eyes down to Sam’s lips, then back up to his, “okay,” his voice was hardly a whisper, but it was enough.

 

 


End file.
